Today I wanted to share a bit about my own journey, it’s kinda deep (and a bit long) so free feel to switch off if you don’t like that shit
This blog wasn’t easy to write. In fact it was so hard that I almost didn’t post it. Being vulnerable is never easy but having courage is really important to me. I believe showing your vulnerabilities is a statement of true courage, so here goes
I’ve always wanted to help people
When I was younger I went through some pretty tough times with my mental health (would take too long to get into it now but put it this way I knew what it was like not to value yourself and have really low self esteem). It sucks to not feel like your good enough, to not feel important. I wanted to help other people not feel like this and recognise their own greatness and self worth
I started as a support worker, then a social worker but that didn’t really fit. I realise now that I wasn’t my own values weren’t in alignment with the ‘system’
I got into the fitness industry for me. Was something I’d always been interested in. Fitness has helped me so much. In fact when I was in the depths of my depression, seeing my personal trainer 2 x a week was the highlight of my week. Not only did I get endorphins from working out but someone asked me how I was, spent time talking to me when I felt invisible. That trainer prob has no idea how much he helped me
And that’s kind of what happened to me
I had no idea how much I was helping people as a trainer. How much I was already improving people’s confidence and how they felt about themselves
Once I opened my gym, I lost my way a bit. It wasn’t so much that the power got up my head. I just thought I needed to be more. I thought that to really help people I needed to be an amazing coach, I needed to be on stage, I needed to be respected in the industry. To put it blatantly, I didn’t believe I was enough. I thought I needed to be more, know more, learn more…,Instead of putting my energy into my clients, my energy was often going into impressing other coaches and business owners. Crazy right?
The term is ‘up my own arse’ springs to mind. Maybe that’s a bit harsh, I was def self absorbed though. I was so focussed in trying to improve me that I forgot about the people I was already helping. I even made some of my members feel unvalued, unimportant and even hurt. The exact opposite of how I want to make people feel. Wtf is with that? (I know this to be true because one of those members who has become a very good friend, told me)
This post is not about beating myself up. It’s about recognising I’m human and as a human I’ve make mistakes
Last year when my life fell apart it was the best thing that could have happened to me. The universe gave me a shake up to bring me back to the person I want to be, to bring me back to my true purpose of helping people
The worst thing about my ‘up my own arse’ phase was that for a while I lost my kindness
Kindness is my most important value. I believe that simple acts of kindness is what can change the world. We all have that power to change how someone feels instantly. I think that’s pretty amazing.
And we also have the power to change our story anytime we want.
‘Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around’ – my favourite quote from Vanilla Sky
I got very lost for a while. I guess we all go off track sometimes. And maybe we even need things to fall apart to remember what’s really important and to remember who we really are
I’ve learned that you don’t always have to move mountains to help people. Sometimes it’s the smallest things that create the biggest impact. A smile, some encouragement, a hug…These days I give freely with no outcome attached. I know the universe has got my back and the energy I put out will always come back to me tenfold
So this post is just really to say how grateful I am for all the ups and the downs. For the people who stood by me when I was a bit lost and gave me a second chance. For the universe for kicking my arse and bringing me back to me. I’m so glad I found my path again and learned for my mistakes.
Always grateful, always learning